Recently, I saw an article ("Indians and dating") written by a Malayalee American pastor (found his blog randomly on google search results). He was asking for the opinion from readers regarding their thoughts on dating and marriage in the Indian community (especially among Indian Christians). I posted my comments (which I'm about to share), not sure if it will be published though as it is moderated by the author of that website. However, I have the freedom to publish my views on my own blog and let others be edified by it. I'm writing from the point of view of an Indian who is a Christian.
I think arranged marriages (in the form of forced marriages) are plain wrong. It violates the free will of a person. Forcing someone’s will (in this case the parents’ will on their children) on anyone is a rapist (sociopathic) mentality. Man has free will (even though free will is a confusing concept among Christians) and I believe we have received that free will from God Himself as we are made in His image. We’re not programmed robots who don’t have the ability to think for ourselves and choose for ourselves. We have the power and ability to choose to whether or not to follow God. Christ doesn’t force anyone to be His Bride. If Christ doesn’t force anyone to be His Bride (the Church), how much more free will do we have regarding to earthly marriages (choosing who we want to marry)! Some Christians don’t believe in free will at all. I say this because I’ve encountered Christians (Calvinists) who ridicule the concept of free will especially pertaining to salvation. I believe that the theological and cultural backgrounds tend to have a strong influence on a person in making decisions (especially marriage). I can share my personal experience. I come from a Christian Malayalee background also. My parents have tried to arrange marriages for me in the past. I remember one specific example where they told me they had gone through a matrimonial website (what pretty much every mallu parents do these days) to find a person. They look at the credentials and then contact the family. Anyway, I remember seeing the photo of the girl and it wasn’t what I was attracted to (in no way was she bad looking- she was cute, but I have to be honest and it wasn't what I was looking for). My parents responded by saying that they spent a lot of time praying to find me this person (!!???). So reluctantly, I contacted the girl and started speaking to her. She turned out to have a good personality (from briefly what I could analyze about her), so it showed looks aren't everything (however, each person has their tastes which must be respected. What you find attractive may not be what someone else is attracted to- in this case parents may see a proposal as physically attractive, but their children may not. At the end of the day- both people getting married have to be attracted to each other physically in order to marry. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a healthy marriage bed (sex life). Hence, it makes no sense to force the parents' selection for a spouse on anyone.
However, as things were starting to progress further, she finally admitted to me that she was being treated for bipolar disorder (interestingly, I've been coming across more Indian women who have bipolar disorder- not sure if it's something prevalent among Indian women) and that she had other health problems (I think that was an act of God to help me not make a mistake and land in problems which I wouldn't be able to handle). She told me how she had faced psychological abuse/bullying from a person (her classmate) during her teenage years.That caused her to have a psychological breakdown and subsequently develop bipolar disorder. This is why psychological abuse is not a joke. India and Indian communities outside of India have a tendency to be psychologically abusive environments (too many narcissistic sociopaths destroying others). The end result is people developing mental health problems as well as other problems in the body. I respect her so much for being honest to me regarding her health problems. That took guts on her part, but boy is she woman of integrity! Hats off to her and I respect her so much for that. She told me because of her health issues, many proposals had rejected her. I felt so bad for her. However, I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with that either. So I had to break it off. I told this to my parents and then they had nothing to say (they themselves backed off the proposal). However, I did ask them- “you did pray regarding this right and got a confirmation from God?” They had nothing to say. There have been other times where they've shown their twisted mallu mentality. I remember my dad showing me a picture of another girl once and she resembled one of my cousins. So I told him "no", yet he tried to force his will on me by saying that people in the Bible like Isaac and Jacob married their cousins. He also brought the example of how Hosea was asked by God to marry a prostitute- and somehow in his logic, that equates for the need for people being forced to marry people who they don't want to. Note the twisted mentality of Indian parents. I asked him "so since Hosea was asked to marry a prostitute, I'm also now compelled to marry a prostitute?" He had no answer to that. So they twist and distort even the Bible to promote their own agendas against you.
Another example is regarding my sibling. My mother brought up a proposal (who was either a second or third cousin) to my sibling. My sibling plain ignored her. Both of my parents have tried to psychologically manipulate our thinking by rejecting choices we found as attractive and instead forcing their selections as the better ones- trying to make us question our own judgment (sociopaths are experts at doing that). Being born into an Indian family (plus Indian community) like this is a nightmare. You have to spend half of your life trying to escape their sociopathic and manipulative control over you. Indian parents are such dangerous sociopaths that they will do whatever it takes to keep you on their leash. Indian parents are also notorious for using the "arranged marriage/forced marriage prevents divorce" card. Once my father asked me, "what's the point of a love marriage? Either way, you end up in bed with your wife facing away from each other." I responded to him, "I think you failed to realize that arranged/forced marriages land you also in that kind of marital situation which leads to unhappiness. That unhappiness is also what causes you to face away from each other even in the bedroom. That's what exactly I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to be unhappy in my marriage." I even brought up examples among Indian adults we know who have divorced and had adulterous affairs after having arranged/forced marriages. Again, they have no response to these logical arguments. None of the sane logical arguments register in their brains- it goes through one ear and out the other. Since Indian parents were psychologically abused and forced to do things by their own parents in India, they think that is how parenting should be and they repeat the stupidity with their kids. This is the sick environment Indian/mallu youth have to put up with in the Indian/mallu community whether in India, the United States of America, or any other country.
It shows how the mallu (Malayalee) mentality is really dangerous. The mallu cultural upbringing is a psychologically abusive one. It’s characteristic of narcissistic sociopaths (Satan's own character).
They put guilt trips on you and try to manipulate you to do everything according to their desires (and don’t care anything your own desires). I saw this in Kerala and here in the U.S. Got sick and tired of it and decided to never go to another mallu church again (as I felt that the narcissistic sociopathic environment in mallu churches feeds Indian parents). Mallu churches (the family + church environment) have a high tendency to be competing with another (the constant obsession to elevate one's self above others and be no.1 in every area of life- evidence of narcissism), psychologically abusing others, and manipulate others. This is pretty much seen wherever Indians/mallus socialize (so it's not just in church) as Indian parents/adults tend to compete with another in their workplaces and wherever else they socialize also. They'll compare each other's accomplishments (including their children's accomplishments), put each other down, and basically fuel the narcissism and sociopathy cycle. They bring this to the home and cultivate a toxic environment for their children- where they force them to join this destructive cycle (make their children into narcissistic sociopaths also) by making feel their kids feel inadequate (through psychological abuse) about their own accomplishments/progress in life. Then the children become forced and obsessed to compete with their fellow peers in church, school and college. In the process, many Indian/mallu youth get burned out and realize they can't compete with, match up to, or outdo everyone. This is seen as a failure by Indian adults whom they interact with and this causes a lot of psychological damage to the youth. All Indian parents/adults care about is maintaining their own image in front of others (walking with their heads held high with pride) at the expense of their children. Again, it's more evidence of their underlying narcissistic personality disorder. They are very abusive. Sadly, you can see Satan/demons working through them when abusive parents like these intimidate and threaten you (such "religious" Indian parents will even cuss you out, threaten you with curses (claiming that such parental curses have a powerful effect), threaten that God will not bless you if you don't follow all of their insane demands). These type of parents and adults need psychiatric help. They are a menace to their own kids. How are they different from cult leaders? Threatening their own kids with curses does have a powerful effect on them- it brings about a Satanic fear and psychologically destroys people. The fear is used for mind control- to make their children submit to all their unrealistic/irrational demands. At times I wonder, why God gives such maniacs any children in the first place?
It took a while for me to understand the underlying psychological issues in these environments and it’s effect on people. It explains a lot of the mallu youth rebellion outside of church (I think they get sick of the overdose of hypocrisy, manipulation, and psychological abuse- and they have the tendency to go wild in high school and college life). Sexual promiscuity has become a problem for Indian youth today. I think in regards to Indians in America, that promiscuity is not a recent phenomenon. From my observation, I've heard of it occurring in the 1980s and 1990s- however, during those times, it was done in secret. It's more open now. In college, I've come across hypocritical characters who were Christian mallus. Couple of them were even worship leaders/youth leaders in their own churches, however, they used to party and go clubbing outside of their ministry life, be sexually active, have live-in relationships, one night stands, go to strip clubs, etc. Then on Sundays or other praise and worship sessions, they would be seen "strumming the guitar, playing the drums, singing in passion, raising the hands in praise, giving exhortation thoughts, etc." Wolves in sheep's clothing (sociopaths). I've come across church going mallu youth who were in relationships (with other mallus) who cheated on their partners with mallu girls from their own churches (a casual hook up). It shows they could care less about loyalty and fidelity in a relationship. That's what's scary as these are the characters getting married later on. It was and still is a joke regarding what occurs in mallu churches.
However, these type of carnal Christians are the ones who are guilty of tempting others and causing them to stumble in their walk with God. Younger kids always look at the older youth and young adults and imitate them. Thus, each subsequent generation has been getting worse in the mallu Christian community. I remember how when I was a teenager, I saw the lustful immorality present among my own age group and also those older than me. It was like a tormenting experience to be tempted to sin (by seeing others engaging in PDA and hearing about their sexual activity)- as you were exposed to this in church settings, school, etc. That torment of temptation continued in college and it still does now. I remember coming across mallu "Christians" living together with their boyfriends/girlfriends. What's shameful and sad is when people make fun of virgins (males and females), those who are not seen clubbing or who are not seen in a relationship. The world only accepts if you partake in it's rebellion against God. Carnal Christians forget that not only are they accountable for their own sins, but they are also accountable for causing others to sin by setting a bad example (refer to Matthew 18:6-7). They also engage in such immorality after partaking in the weekly Lord's Table at their churches. I believe Paul's warning in 1 Cor. 11:27-29 regarding abusing the Lord's Table in an unworthy manner and thereby inviting God's judgment- is plain ignored in such carnal churches. In fact, they'll twist, distort, and even misquote Scripture to negate the above truths and claim that they are "no longer under condemnation." They misquote Romans 8:1 for that by purposely leaving out the phrase at the end of that verse- "who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" which is clearly stated in the authorized KJV- which ironically they further claim is the only translation to be used). This is also further evidence of their sociopathy. They contradict themselves so much and are full of corruption. All of these things happen both in the U.S., India, the Gulf countries and everywhere else mallus are present (I can happily testify to that as I've observed it with my own eyes), contrary to what mallu adults will say (where they'll point fingers only at Western countries).
I think it's also a reflection in what occurs in non-Indian churches also. Promiscuity is a sign of sociopathy (refer to my post "None dare call them sociopaths" to see the origins of the Protestant hypocrisy and sociopathy. Pioneers of this movement were sinning even while being Catholic and then pioneered the Protestant movement to continue and justify their sin).
Indian parents and youth are notorious for being gossips. They engage in gang stalking- where they'll spy on you wherever they socialize with you and also spy on your social media accounts. Then they'll gossip about you. The thing is, they try to portray themselves to be holy and righteous while covering up their own sinful behavior (even on social media). Thus, they are some of the biggest hypocrites out there. I remember how when I was in India, I've come across people there who hated Indians who lived abroad (NRIs). They treated them as if they've been demonized by living abroad and as if every NRI is automatically evil. If you brought up everyday examples of immorality occurring in their own midst in India, they would blame the effect of the Western culture spreading to India. In other words, they would never accept responsibility for their failures, and instead pass the blame on to others. Who does that? Sociopaths. They'll gossip about other people's sins when they caught and mistreat them. Who does that? Sociopaths. Remind you of Satan? He accuses others of their sins to God also, while acting evil.
I think many mallu parents are in unhappy marriages. Children can see that in the home and they don’t want that in their own marriages- so many are dating these days but in the wrong way (getting physically involved before marriage- kissing, foreplay, or going all the way). I think dating (to getting to know a person’s character instead of getting to know each other's bodies) is very important, without getting physically involved to dishonor each other’s bodies. The person you date could be someone’s else future spouse, if they are not meant to be yours, and you’re messing with that. Moreover, they are God's Temple and make up the Body of Christ- which should never be degraded, dishonored and violated through sexual immorality (refer to my post "A perspective to overcome lust"). That's playing with fire- the wrath of God. Remember how much the Israelites and priests having to be careful and reverent around the Tabernacle, later on the Temple, and also the Ark of the Covenant? There have been examples in the Bible where people would be struck dead for touching or entering those areas without God's permission. The same applies to our bodies as Christians. Premarital intimacy through kissing, foreplay, and sexual intercourse is forbidden according to the principles and truths we read in the Bible. Our bodies are the home to the Holy Ghost and so we have to treat other's bodies with reverence (not as a lustful/sexual objects). Carnal Christians preach false doctrines which excuse and negate such fear of God with a cheap and perverted form of grace- which makes people think that they can freely sin and violate each other's bodies. God only gives permission for romantic and sexual exploration of each other's bodies through marriage. In today’s world which is full of lust, the concept of remaining pure before marriage is a challenging thing to practice. However, that can’t be an excuse for not remaining pure before marriage. I think I touched on the cultural background.
Just wanted to add a thought on the theological aspect. Again, mallu parents tend to abuse and misuse Scripture. They’ll hold the “children obey your parents” Bible verse over your head to try and force you to make all of life’s choices (marriage, education/field to pursue, etc.) according to their will. This is wrong also. However, not too many adults (especially church leaders) are willing to admit this nor do anything about it. I'm not sure why God allows this also? Many times I've wondered why God didn't provide clear exceptions in His word to provide safeguards against such abuse of His commandments by Indian parents. It's a frustrating experience dealing with that. It's a living nightmare being born into an Indian family. You are thrown into an abusive environment which psychologically destroys you. It's pretty much impossible to not see it as a curse. I have no idea why God puts people in such abusive environments. Regardless, may the Name of the Lord be blessed. People (Indian Christians who are Calvinists) who don't believe in free will in regards to salvation will probably have a tendency to negate it in regards to marriage also. Thus, you get a combo of theological and cultural negation of free will. I believe Calvinism/free grace theology feeds such sociopathy because they are sociopathic ideologies. Thus, if you grow up in an environment where your parents, relatives and church members are sociopaths- it's a living nightmare. When possible, you need to cut off ties with all sociopaths in your life. I wouldn't be surprised if we started seeing non-Indian American and European Christians (Western Christians) who are Calvinists (ex. Caucasians, African Americans, Hispanics, etc.) promoting arranged/forced marriages for their children- as Calvinists don't believe in free will. I've wondered why that hasn't happened already? At the same time, Indian parents/adults tend to be hypocrites. They'll try to paint a picture that back in their days growing up in India, they had a strict and conservative upbringing. However, they won't admit to the "secret" relationships they've had and the things they've done (even trying alcohol). It may or not have been sexual relationships, but confined to romance (like writing love letters to each other, taking secret walks, etc.). In their time, taking girls behind their bikes (motorcycles) for joy rides (romantic rides) was a growing trend also. I know of older men among my relatives who've had premarital relationships (girlfriends) in the past. They were never able to have a love marriage- their marriages were all arranged by their parents. I've seen one of the men forcing all of his daughters into arranged marriages- one of them even landed up with a weird and abusive guy who has issues. His own son has been reluctant to accept the arranged/forced marriage idea. Then another man (among these older men) who has admitted secretly to me of having premarital relationships told me that I should also let my parents select a spouse for me. He used the typical Indian logic that love marriages have the tendency to lead to divorce. These are the hypocrites that we have as parents and older adults who try to "advise" us. Since they weren't able to have love marriages, they try to force the arranged/forced marriage ideology on the subsequent generations. Most older Indian men won't even admit to masturbation. They act like they don't and never have dealt with lust. I think you have to pretty naive to believe that Older Indian adults have never masturbated and lusted after women before. Even history shows how sexual immorality has been present seen the beginning of the human race. India (nor any other conservative background) is not an exception to sinful struggles and a sin-free environment. Then they'll criticize you if they suspect you of struggling with lust. I remember once talking to a mallu church pastor. He was talking about how immorality is prevalent in Western countries. I asked him, "why is HIV/AIDS so prevalent in India? It has the third largest epidemic in the world." He didn't know what to say and tried to brush it off by saying, "yea that may be true, but still." Lol, his argument was lost right then and there :) I wanted to further ask him about why prostitution is legal in India and why I've observed even married men there using such services, if they are so morally conservative and more upright than Westerners? I wanted to ask him, "why are nightclubs/discotheques" in India if it isn't like the West? Why do unmarried Indian couples now live together in a supposedly morally conservative place like India? Pedophiles, rapists, other types of sex offenders, even cases of incest are also problems in India and one only has to turn to the newspaper to see that being revealed. I've observed even homosexual tendencies among men in India. There's confusion about how now even supposedly "straight" men seek homosexual contact (refer to "Why Straight Men Have Sex With Each Other?"), sometimes through even sexual assault. This is the latest perversion that is spreading in the world (men who claim to be straight engaging in homosexual contact), even in India. Satan is destroying mankind by creating confusion and promoting perversion. Refer to Romans 1:18-32 also. I've even heard that many sociopaths have the tendency to be supposedly neither gay nor straight- i.e. they will have sex with anyone for their own perverted purposes and desires (refer to "Sociopaths, Sex, Power, and Control"). I've heard of these type of sociopaths who try to befriend people by acting straight (they show their desire for the opposite sex), but are actually sex predators seeking to destroy anyone regardless of their gender. It's only when people (both males and females) get sexually assaulted by them that they see what kind of wolves they really are.
I believe that the idolatrous environment in places like India and other countries invite a lot of Satanic and demonic activity in people there to pursue different perversions. Satan's goal is to create sociopaths just like him. Whenever people (of any race or culture), exchange the truth about God for a lie and engage in idolatry, atheism or anything which contradicts the Truth revealed in the Bible, God gives them over to their shameful lusts (perversions). It affects your entire psychology when you deny God of the Bible. It leads you down a self-destructive and perverted path. It creates sociopaths. People will claim that certain perversions like fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bisexuality, etc. are all personal preferences. If a person thinks that any of those things are ok in their own mind, then society today says they shouldn't be judged. It's the road to lawlessness. How long before bestiality, rape, murder, and total anarachy is declared ok by society? If many people started to think that speeding is ok or drinking and driving is ok, will society start accepting that also? How can any human decide what is good for themselves when all are corrupted with a sinful nature? Only God is good and perfect in righteousness. Only He can define what is good and He shows us through His commandments in the Bible regarding what is good and what is bad. Every day, humans are in a constant of state of battle in their own minds- i.e. choosing between doing good and evil (refer to Romans 7:14-25). You become a slave to sin in the process. Only Jesus Christ can deliver you from that psychological war occurring in your mind, and set you free from being a slave to sin. By putting your faith in Him and asking Him for the Holy Ghost, you are then enable to follow God's Spirit to make us the right choices instead of following our sinful nature's desires (refer to Romans 6:15-23 and Romans 8:1-17 (KJV). You become one with God's Spirit (1 Cor. 6:17).
Since all humans are corrupted with a sinful nature before their salvation, they can't be relied on for deciding what is good and what is bad. When society ignores God , perverts their view regarding God or removes God from their thinking altogether, your sinful nature and Satan work together to destroy yourselves and each other.
It's all hypocritical sociopathy. Indian adults (especially parents) obsess about mind control over their children- to get them do everything according their will (even using their children to accomplish their own twisted desires for their self glory. In order to achieve this, they paint this fake picture of themselves and the social environment in India- trying to make those things appear more righteous than they really are. They end up looking and acting like sociopaths when their kids start discovering the truths about their hypocrisy. Indian parents give priority to the level of prestige of the educational degree and salary when they look for a spouse for their adult children. If they carry prestige in those areas, they just force or pressure their sons and daughters to marry such people. This is because Indian parents want bragging rights against other Indian parents/adults. Indian parents give priority to the level of prestige of the educational degree and salary when they look for a spouse for their adult children. If they carry prestige in those areas, they just force or pressure their sons and daughters to marry such people. This is because Indian parents want bragging rights against other Indian parents/adults. The reality is that older Indian adults tend to psychologically abuse each other as well as the youth in these communities. They brag about their own accomplishments and then tear others down, trying to make them feel inadequate. The older adults then take it out own their own children. If the adults know they can't match up to them, they make their own kids go and match up or outdo the constant bragging narcissists. I could care less about their bragging rights or competing with these narcissistic sociopaths. People can only do everything according to the abilities God has given them. God hasn't called everyone to become doctors, engineers, or be in some other prestigious field. God only expects you to commit your desires to Him and give it your best whatever you choose to pursue. People have their limitations. It doesn't make them inferior to others if they don't end up getting a prestigious degree and job. Unfortunately, society has become too self destructive to teach that to others. If I'm not physically attracted to a woman that I'm supposed to marry, no sex is going to ever happen with them. This is what is ignored by Indian parents. Arranged/forced marriages cause Indian men and women to end up marrying people whom they're not really attracted to. They are forced to love and have sexual relations with a person of their parent's choosing (this is a rapist setup). When you interact with Indian adults other than your parents, they will reinforce the brainwashing that takes place in Indian families- for the need to have absolute obedience to your parents (regarding all areas of your life- choosing a spouse, choosing a career, etc.). It's just like how cult leaders operate- they demand absolute obedience and devotion. Indian parenting is really a dictatorship. Both Indian parents and adults tend to use sociopathic tactics like "love bombing" and "gaslighting." They'll put guilt trips on you by saying how hard your parents have worked to support you and their love for you and make you feel as if you need to obey all of their demands (this is an example of love bombing). They'll even try to focus on your weaknesses or failures to spin it around and make you look like the bad person. If they've caused problems in your life, they'll shift all blame off of themselves and shift the blame on to you (they demand to be always right and never in the wrong). This is an example of gaslighting. To such sociopathic Indian adults, you have to unconditionally obey their unrealistic and irrational demands- even forced marriage. Being an Indian, it's hard for me to admit that the Indian community is one of the most dangerous, abusive, cultic and sociopathic environments I've ever come across.
Indian adults hate it when you leave their social communities (church, other groups) or when you decide to live independent from your parents. It's because they know they'll lose control over you. They will do whatever it takes (keep you in a cultic (cult like) environment) to keep you away from freedom by making you think you're missing out on something great by being with them. They also want that mind control over you so that you don't end up having premarital and marital relationships with non-Indians. Again, they are sociopaths. Sociopaths are such manipulative control freaks. Satan (the father of narcissistic sociopathy) works through them. I remember one of my own relatives was trying to scare me by saying that when your time for marriage comes, it will become harder for you to find a mallu girl if you don't stick it out in an Indian church. I was like "who cares? I'm not interested in such control freaks and hypocrites that have such absurd requirements (must be attending an Indian church)." I told him such traits point to sociopathy, however, he acted like there's nothing wrong with sociopathy. Only a sociopath himself would think that there's nothing wrong with sociopathy. This same relative as well as some church elders (leaders) once told me that I should never ask an Indian proposal about their past sexual history. I was like, "first of all, I've never had premarital sex. Hence, I want someone who has also kept themselves pure. Why would I want to put my mouth and penis in a woman's body where other guys' mouths, hands, penises and body fluids have been before? That thought will inevitably come across you in your sex life and it can torment you and even destroy your sex life. Satan and his demons love to tempt and deceive people into sexual immorality to cheat their future spouses (refer to Hosea 4:12 (NIV) regarding the evil spirit of prostitution). People are stupid enough to cooperate with Satan. Why cooperate with Satan to destroy yourself and torment your future spouse? I hate the thought of even anyone having kissed my future wife. Couple of years ago, I remember when I heard that Ray J came out with a song (called "I Hit It First") to mock his ex-girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, for her new relationship with Kanye West. The song is about how he is bragging about being the first to have sex with Kim, before Kanye West was able to. That type of mentality is not only with guys like Ray J, I think most guys pride themselves in their sexual conquests- having been able to defile many girls (who would then up marrying other men). Society has become pretty dumb and perverted around us. Sad thing is that even Christians have joined the sociopathy to become sexually liberal. Granted some guys may not feel like me (and they may have no problems in marrying a promiscuous girl), but I know many guys do and then they have to end up suppressing their thoughts, if they do choose to marry a promiscuous girl. Carnal Christians will teach and put guilt trips on you and say you must forgive and forget your potential spouse's (someone that you're considering for marriage) past. They themselves are promiscuous in their walk with God, so they cheapen God's grace and forgiveness to a perverted extent. The Bible doesn't ever teach that you must marry a promiscuous girl. In fact, even God was disgusted by that and issued the death penalty for women who were found to be non-virgins on their wedding night (refer to Deuteronomy 22:20-21). Today's carnal Christians.churches act sexually liberal and teach that we are no longer under the letter of the Old Testament Law. They're right in a sense, but they fail to teach that today we're under the spirit of the law. God has written His law in our hearts instead of on stone tablets. He hasn't liberalized His standard of righteousness in the process- giving Christians the right to be sexually liberal. The Bible also teaches that whether fornication or adultery, both cause a union of oneness between the culprits in God's eyes (refer to 1 Cor. 6:15-16). Carnal churches and society don't have the Biblical authority to define marriage and sexual union, only God does as He is the creator of everything, including sex. So while we should forgive sexually immoral people, God doesn't command us to marry them. Many Christians today are sociopaths. Satan has blinded them with sociopathic ideologies like Calvinism, which makes them think that God ignores and condones their evil behavior. They think they they live under the dispensation of grace and thus, they can freely sin without any consequences. They think they can abuse God and also their fellow human beings. I've learned that by knowing a person's view of salvation and sin, you can know if they'll make a good friend or moreover a spouse. Anyone who thinks they can abuse grace is the wrong person to befriend or be in a relationship with (they are sociopaths), as they will have the tendency to be abusive towards you, cheat on you, dump you, etc. Such people don't see anything wrong with themselves, and have a low rate of cure (changing themselves for the better). Thus, you'll be likely stuck with an abusive sociopath for the rest of your life while they destroy you and hurt you.
Second, how am I supposed to know if they carry the risk of having STDs and HIV if I don't ask them about their past history (refer to the article "A compulsory HIV test before marriage?")? They had no answer to that. India has the third largest epidemic in the world for HIV. Asking their history and getting tested is fundamental because of that. They're ignorant about those kind of things. Hence, look at their mentality. All they care about is controlling you for their own agendas. They are such sociopathic hypocrites. Their daughters (as well as sons) will likely be whoring around before marriage- with whatever race of men they like, and I'm not supposed to ask about their history and further be forced to marry such sociopaths. So why should I put up with the psychological abuse (in an Indian church) and then be forced to marry some promiscuous sociopath girl who doesn't really follow the "strict" moral and cultural code among Indian Christians?
I've seen a growing trend of both Indian girls and guys now going for interracial dating and marriage. I think a lot of them got tired of the crap they have to endure in such abusive environments and decided to find greener pastures. I don't blame them one bit. Pertaining to Indian girls, I know a lot of them hate how their fathers exerted control over their mothers and themselves. Hence, it makes sense why they look at other races of men. Pertaining to Indian guys, I've come across guys who've admitted how they were traumatized seeing their mothers abuse their fathers. I've heard of one example from an Indian guy where his father divorced his mother (both Indians) and then married a Caucasian woman and lived much happier. I've personally seen what kind of dangerous sociopaths many Indian women (as well as non-Indian women) are around me. So if Indian girls and their families don't want to consider someone like me for marriage because I left the Indian church environment, I consider that a blessing! I rather not get stuck with an abusive and controlling sociopath. Greener pastures are waiting for me which God Himself has prepared for me.
Moreover, such psychological abuse in such environments has it's effects on health. Even Swami Vivekananda after visiting the state of Kerala in India, called it a mental asylum. I can totally understand why he would say something like that- as I've already explained, personality disorders like narcissism and sociopathy are prevalent among Malayalees. I think he himself saw the abusive environment along with people's abnormal behaviors. I believe this applies to many other areas in India also- as I've observed psychological abuse and mental disorders prevalent overall in the Indian community (not just Malayalees/Keralites). When a false gospel (sin excusing salvation message) is preached to such people, they never achieve metanoia. Rather, they remain enslaved in sin and especially their sociopathy (like I've said before, ideologies like Calvinism keep people enslaved in sin rather than calling for genuine repentance and metanoia (for more regarding this, please refer to my other posts "The Psychology of Salvation" and "More on church psychology"). Once an older mallu couple (in their late 40s) were quizzing me to test my Bible knowledge. Mallus/Indians (most adults and many youth) tend to have that irritating behavior about them- trying to test your knowledge on different things Bible, your educational field, etc. They love to see if they can expose any weakness in you so that they can go to work on that by trying to tear you down- just like sociopaths do. Most mallus/Indians take pride in their own accomplishments and knowledge and then tear others down. Those who claim to follow Christianity among them have no clue what it means to be a Christian according to the Bible (I doubt they've read and understood Philippians 2:3). Anyway, I knew what this couple and their kids were trying to do and I wanted to teach them a lesson. They bragged about how many people they've "shared the Gospel" with, like other mallu Christians do. I had my doubts regarding their efficient evangelization methods as I see most mallus just giving gospel tracts to strangers, without really taking the time to interact with them. Hence, I asked them about how they would explain salvation to someone who they encountered in their every day lives? Neither knew how to explain salvation and furthermore, the man is actually a church leader in a local mallu church. Even the so called "smart kids" of theirs (whom they brag about being active in church, taking special Bible courses, and also their educational accomplishments) had no clue and just sat there expecting their parents to answer these questions. One of them actually laughed at their mother when she couldn't answer anything. She's a nurse, but one of the most nastiest narcissistic sociopaths I've come across. She prides herself in her job, in her husband's secular job and also his leadership position in church, and also tries to pride herself in her children's accomplishments. I've observed that most mallu/Indian women have this narcissistic sociopathic behavior. The more prestigious degrees and higher salaries they have, the more their heads are bigger with pride and the more nastier they behave towards others. They tend to be very abusive and controlling- both in their churches as well as home. If you go to mallu/Indian churches, you'll see the bickering and psychological abuse among women in their fellowship. They are notorious for creating problems within churches. The problems start when women (who have high status from their education, jobs, and influence in the church) bully women of lesser power and status. I've observed this in a church in recent times. Even the man (in the mallu couple I was talking about), once told me, it's better to marry a woman who will be a housewife. I could see why he said that, as his own wife (the nurse) wore the pants in that family (she had a higher salary than him). A very abusive and controlling woman. The same man gave me John 3:16 as the go to verse for salvation. I gave them questions which I myself encountered from my non-Christian friends. None of them knew how to answer any of those questions. I think they learned to think twice before messing with me again as they got a taste of their own medicine. However, I doubt that they will change because they are followers of Calvinism/free grace theology (which excuses them to sin freely) and furthermore, sociopaths have a low cure rate.
Psychological damage in individuals caused by abusive people/sociopaths can lead to mental health problems (ex. depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.) which can further lead to other health problems (hypertension and it's complications, tobacco use, alcohol and drug abuse, obesity, disability, death, etc.). Thus, abusive people/sociopaths can be a menace to society.
Regarding the narcissistic and destructive competition that I talked pertaining to the Indian community, at times I wonder if the same type of ill effects and psychological damage is being caused in a broader scale like capitalist environments (where you tend to see competition, greed, elevation of self above others, etc.). I think this unhealthy, obsessive, and destructive competitiveness is seen in various areas (competition between businesses which can result in many businesses going out of business altogether, in the educational sector and it's competitive admission practices where they create a competition among students/applicants, employers and their competitive hiring practices, etc. At various levels in a person's educational path (from elementary school to professional education levels), they face standardized exams. Today, many institutions are guilty of being negligent to train students adequately to take such exams. The common phrase I've heard from instructors is that "you can't really prepare for a standardized exam." There is a deception in such statements for which they (as well as the various educational institutions, educational agencies, testing agencies, government agencies, lawmakers, other public office holders/authorities, etc.) should be held accountable/liable for. Only God knows how many students have been deceived into such lies and thereby have their lives destroyed. A tough job market and high unemployment has a negative effect on the economy as not enough people are there to buy goods, but it also affects the health care expenditure aspect of a nation's economy by putting more strain on it.). Are such capitalist/competitive environments actually creating personality disorders in people by making them into narcissists (narcissistic personality disorder) and sociopaths/psychopaths (antisocial personality disorder)? That in turn becomes a menace to society and I think the psychological damage caused by that and it's effect on the public/nation (in terms of social, economic, and health consequences) should be studied more and relevant policies implemented to create safe-guards, as this can be a major public health issue. As already mentioned above, psychological damage in individuals caused by others can lead to mental health problems (ex. depression, anxiety, PTSD, personality disorders, etc.) which can further lead to other health problems (hypertension and it's complications, tobacco use, obesity, disability, etc.). This then has an effect on the nation's total health expenditure as more and more people affected put a strain on the health care system. Thus, a competitive environment which results in psychological damage and health problems has it's harmful side and can be even a menace to society. It can weaken a nation's workforce which then weaken it's economy which then weakens that nation altogether. I think some Christians can have a hard time accepting that out of their fear that non-capitalism is a product of Satan. However, they and everyone else must come to terms with reality- as seen with example in the Indian community, competition has a high tendency to create narcissistic sociopaths. Narcissistic sociopaths then become a menace to their community/society/nation.
I think responsible people (authorities and research groups) should research regarding all of these things and implement policies which safeguard the well-being of all citizens in every country. I think we can have healthy and responsible governments without being fearful of a Satanic new world order. Unfortunately, Satan's new world order will come one day, however, people still have the time to become better as individuals and moreover as nations (repentance and metanoia)- in which they work together for the common good of each other (an ideal world where everyone does their own part by working, but helping and sharing our resources with each other so that greed and competition doesn't destroy us). A good example of this is how the early Church functioned as a community. Refer to Acts 2:44-47 and Acts 4:32-25. Do you see any competition and greed within the early Church? Do you see any people suffering from any health consequences because of psychological damage and abuse? No, because they got along and cared for each other like God wanted them to. They were not competing with each other, rather they built each other up. I believe that's what God desires from all of us- form nations which reflect the early Church community that give rise to healthy societies and economies. Satan destroys this concept by making some people lazy (to not work), and others greedy and competitive to destroy others from progressing or succeeding.
The failure to repent (of evil behavior, greed, competition) and accomplish spiritual metanoia is what invites evil on ourselves through Satan's new world order and trouble through God's judgment and wrath.
Here's an example of how competition among consumers (created by businesses) leads to violent and sociopathic behavior ("Black Friday 2015 fights"). Do they all act like this at other times? Most likely not. It's when a competition for resources is created that these kind of personality disorders are induced in many of them.
In regards to psychological abuse- I think intimate partner abuse (IPA) is prevalent in the Indian community (as well as other cultural/racial backgrounds). IPA not only involves the spouse, but it can involve the children (child abuse). Anyone interested can research regarding the topic for themselves. Just wanted to give a brief description of it. It is defined (by WHO) as any behavior within an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological, or sexual harm to those in that relationship. These behaviors may include:
(1). physical aggression, such as hitting, kicking, or beating; (I think this is prevalent and masked as healthy corporal punishment believed to Biblical by such adults and misused because their children don't bend to their will)
(2). psychological and/or emotional abuse, such as intimidation or humiliation (I've seen this in the family and church environment. ex. Indian parents are notorious for various threats- threaten to disown you, abandon you or stop supporting you (financially, housing-i.e. threatening to kick you out of the house or even threatening to send you to India or move to India altogether, abusing you emotionally, cussing you out, threatening curses on you, threatening you that God won't bless you and instead curse you, etc.) if you don’t take a decision according to their will. They're really sick in their heads. They can also make fun of you and compare your accomplishments to others and make you feel inadequate. It's very prominent among Indian adults as that is how they are raised in India and they continue the sociopathic madness against the subsequent generations).
(3). forcing or coercing intercourse or other sexual activity (this is more likely applicable to married spouses. I came across an article couple of months back on cnn.com which wrote about how rape is a problem and prevalent in Indian marriages- "Marital Rape: Why is it legal in India?").
(4). controlling behaviors, such as financial control, monitoring movements, restricting access to services and isolation from friends, family, and other social supports. (I think Indian parents exercise that type of manipulation a lot. There’s bad parenting and good parenting- and I think majority of Indian parents need to be educated and held accountable by higher authorities for that- regardless if such abuse is against their children who are minors or who are adult children. Even adult children become stuck under their control through the years of financial control and manipulation they exert on them to force them to become dependent on their parents and subsequently dependants under them. This is what sick parenting is.).
Refer to this article also ("Adult child abuse"). Even though that article mentions female adult child abuse, I believe it can applied to both male and female adult children who face abuse. The book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward and Craig Buck is also a good read.